3 things first dates have in common with building a connection on the dance floor
How you can build great connections with all of your dance partners
When you ask what makes someone enjoy a dance the answer is usually the same: A great connection.
But what that means is very subjective and different from follower to follower.
And sometimes it even feels like magic. Something that you can't explain. It's just there or not.
That can all seem very confusing and like something you have no control over.
Well...
Let me tell you that achieving an amazing connection with your dance partners is not magic – it's a skill.
Let go of the idea that it’s something which is either there or not. Rather think about it as something that needs to be created.
Something that you (as a leader) are able to create.
Let me show you how.
Hello and welcome to “The confident lead” - the free edition of my weekly newsletter. I’m Yann, and each week I write about things that make you a more confident leader on the social dance floor. If someone shared this article with you and you find this information useful make sure to sign up to receive it each Sunday evening.
The benefits of a great connection
Besides the fact that a good connection is amongst the most important things that a follower is looking for in a good lead it also has many benefits for you as a leader:
It sets the foundation for a good dance, regardless of your skill level and amount of moves you can lead. More good dances = More confidence.
It allows you to make mistakes and learn from them without turning the dance into a negative experience
It allows you to feel the music even if you don't feel confident yet that you are able to dance on the music
So how can you achieve all that? You can get there in three steps:
Establishing the first impression
Slowly getting to know each other
Getting comfortable with each other
Think of it like going on a first date…
1) Establishing the first impression
When you go on a first date the initial moments are spent analysing the other person: How they dress or smell. Their smile, their posture. That mostly happens subconsciously and in a split second.
In dancing you want to do the same thing.
Spend the first 30-60 seconds of a dance to get an understanding of the person you're dancing with: How does she react to your frame? How much energy does she need? What is her current mood?
To do that, start with the most basic moves you know. The bottom 10% of your repertoire, those that you can execute in your sleep. Examples:
If you’re dancing Salsa that might only be the basic step, a cross body lead and maybe a few simple turns. That's totally fine. As long as you don’t have to think too much about them. Bonus: You don’t even have to physically connect with your partner right from the start. A secret trick is to let the follower be "free" and do their thing for a little while. It allows your partner to ease into it and have fun.
If you’re dancing something like Bachata Sensual you can stay in closed position and just feel the person you're dancing with. If you don’t have a big repertoire of moves you can simply whip from side to side or do some isolations.
Whatever style you’re dancing, focus on the person you’re dancing with: Is she light to lead or does she require more energy? Are there certain body parts she's not so comfortable in using (yet)?
You don’t need complicated moves for that. Save those for later.
It’s in this step where a follower decides what they will be comfortable with. It sets the foundation for how much they will trust you and allow you in their personal space. You have to earn this over and over again.
2) Slowly getting to know each other
Now imagine you are 5 minutes into your first date. Would you tell your date about a tragic event that recently happened in your life? Probably not. You don't know that person well enough and how they would react to it. And quite frankly that might be a bit much to take in just after a few minutes.
It's the same in dance.
Once you formed your first impression the conversation starts. Start doing the moves you know and like to do.
At this step there is just one thing to keep in mind:: TAKE. IT. EASY! Don’t go crazy. Ease into it.
Think of heavy conversation topics (on a date) as the moves you are not fully confident about yet or those that are a bit more complex to lead: It's probably not the right time yet to bring those up.
You haven't gotten to know each other enough and your partner doesn't trust you enough yet. Rightfully so.
3) Getting comfortable with each other
Ok, back to the date again! We're two hours into it. Things are going well and you're having fun. Compared to just two hours ago you know much more about each other. You both feel more comfortable than in those awkward first moments.
If the first two steps went well you can now slowly try more moves. Especially those that you are still learning. Or things you saw somewhere else and always wanted to try. This is your time to experiment together, make mistakes and learn from them.
But Yann, why wait such a long time?
Your moves will have a higher likelihood of succeeding. Even if they are not executed properly. The person you're dancing with has had enough time to understand the way you lead and adjust to it.
You created (!) an environment where making mistakes doesn’t matter. If you mess up now I guarantee that your partner will not give you funny looks or make you feel bad about it.
This third step is extremely important! Socials are the place to learn and grow as a leader. The only way to grow is by leaving your comfort zone and by doing things you're not comfortable with.
If you only take away one thing from this article: Taking your time to build up a connection is an investment that allows you to make mistakes and learn from them.
Bonus: You might see each other again
By now I hope you understand that building a connection is not down to magic. It's something you can create and that you're in control of.
And just like at the end of a great first date your chances of seeing each other again are now in your favour.
Luckily it's much more logical how to get another dance than to get another date. But that's not what this newsletter is about.
Want to read more articles like these? I’m Yann and this is my weekly newsletter “The confident lead”. Each week I write about things that make you a more confident leader on the social dance floor. Leave your email address to receive it each Sunday evening